I see a pretty girl and a not very sexy boy.



I have this really bad moodswing that has been revolving around me this past few months. I mean seriously, sometimes I feel like I'm so fucked up with myself. I've got no problems with my family and friends. In fact, I love them as much as I love myself. But when it comes to guys, its a whole new different story.

This is personal and somehow I would like to keep it private, but it wouldn't be a blog anymore if i did that.

So anyway, majority of the guys I've been with are kind of assholistic (this word can be found in my own human dictionary). I gave them the benefits of doubt that perhaps we started off in a wrong way. But in the end, everything went very wrong.

I don't deny that my attention span on a particular person is very short and I'm equally as pissed off with myself for having this damn character. The reason i don't go for relationships is because i don't like to get tied down and having commitments. But at the same time, I don't fucking like to share my guy with another random person. And this shit happens when you're in an open relationship. Wait, i don't even think this is called "relationship" at all.

Everytime when its over, someone new comes along, and this whole thing repeats itself again.

I once had this guy, which I really really liked alot. The first time we met was at my house, drinking with other friends. Then I saw him the next day because they came over to drink again. As expected, we didn't last for more than 2 weeks. And to be honest, this was the first time i found it so hard to let go. I know it sounds stupid, 2 wks only, not as if 2 years, how sad can it be right? But seriously, he was the first guy that lay on my bed with me, watched finish one whole movie, and still not hugging me till I initiated everything -.- shy or decent? I really don't know. It usually takes less than 20 minutes before those assholistic guys get their hands all over. And please don't get me wrong, I'm not a slut.

I've got over him quite long ago, so its good. we're friends now. And one last thing before I end this post, I actually have a dirty little secret to confess....
which is,






I haven't showered yet. And I'm going to do so now.

xoxo,
Charissa